All by myself I get lonely...

Bobby Darin had a some great hits back in the late fifties and sixties. A couple of them were about loneliness, including classic Golden Oldies such as “Me and My Shadow” and “All by Myself ”. Fortunately, I have never really suffered from the pangs of loneliness, although, there was one occasion when I was left all alone. Unlike Bobby Darin, who said he was left all alone, feeling blue, I was left all alone feeling puzzled. Or maybe bemused.

At the time I was working for Edith Cowan University, observing, advising and mentoring student teachers on their teaching practice in schools. I did this job for eleven years and really enjoyed being involved with eager and enthusiastic trainee teachers and their hard working and dedicated classroom mentor teachers. Over the years I visited about twenty different schools and developed positive, professional and friendly relationships with the teachers and administrators in these schools. Well, all except one, that is.

It wasn’t one of my regular schools, but I had been asked to call in and see a practice student to help out a colleague who was indisposed. My first classroom visit was scheduled for 11-00am. I turned up at the school, by appointment, at about 10-00am in order to introduce myself to the principal, meet with the school’s Practice Co-ordinator and also to find out exactly whereabouts my student’s classroom was.

After a brief meeting with the principal, I met the Practice Co-ordinator who took me to the classroom and introduced me to the teacher and her practice student. The Practice Co-ordinator then told me that she had to hurry away because she and the principal had a parent meeting to attend to at 10-45am. By that time it was about 10-30am and the classroom teacher said that I was welcome to go to the staff room for a cup of coffee. She said that Morning Recess was at 10-40am but she and her student would not be going to the staff room as they wanted to get everything ready for the 11-00am lesson.

So, following the directions she gave me, I found myself in the staffroom a few minutes before the siren sounded for Morning Recess.  I was looking forward to my caffeine shot for the morning and for some stimulating conversation with some of the thirty or so teaching staff.

The staffroom was of a rather long and narrow design. At one end was a stainless steel sink, an instant hot water urn, a refrigerator, a toaster and a medium sized micro wave oven. On the shelves above the sink were supplies of coffee, tea, sugar, sweeteners and some packets of biscuits. I quickly made myself a cup of coffee, dropped a $2.00 coin in the Visitors' Cup and went to sit at one of the three large tables that stretched lengthwise down the room. These tables had five cushioned chairs on either side of them.

There was no one in the room so I decided to sit at the middle table, facing directly opposite the doorway leading in to the staffroom. This left a large empty table on my left, near the sink, and a large empty table on my right at the other end of the room. I thought that by sitting facing the doorway, at the middle table, all the staff coming in to the room would see that I was a visitor in their midst.

The siren signalling recess sounded and about a minute later a young lady entered. I looked at her but she did not make any eye contact as she moved to make herself a cup of tea. I watched her as she moved away from the sink and sat in a chair at the end of the table on my left. After that, four staff members arrived. Again, I watched them enter the room but none of them made eye contact. They moved straight to the sink area and chatted happily as they made their tea and coffee. Then they also went and sat at the table on my left. A few more staff entered and they also sat at the table on my left. Eventually, the ten chairs at the table on my left were all occupied and I figured that soon some staff members would sit at my table and I would not be sitting at that middle table all alone, just like Bobby, “All by myself in the morning…”

Well, more staff did come in. They did not make any eye contact either. As they moved away from the sink with their cups and biscuits they saw that the table on my left was full so they moved down the room and sat at the table on my right. I could hear Bobby Darin singing, “All alone, I’m so all alone.”

I watched as more staff arrived and also chose to sit at the table on my right. “I sit alone, with a table and a chair…”  Yes, there I sat, all alone at a big table with not one, but  nine empty chairs, in what was now quite a noisy staffroom There were ten people at the table on my left and ten people at the table on my right.

With both of these tables filled, I felt certain that  I was soon going to have company at my big empty table in the middle. More staff came in. To my surprise they surveyed the room, looked at my table, though not directly at me, and then they did a very strange thing. They came to my table and they took chairs from it and went and squeezed in with their colleagues at the other two tables. This was an independent Christian based private school. Whatever happened to "Love your neighbour"? Even a neighbourly "Hello"would have been nice

There I was, all by myself at a table with no chairs and thirty chatty people crowded around tables on my left and on my right. “All by myself I get lonely, watching the clock on the shelf…”  Well, just Like Bobby I did start watching that clock on the shelf, except it was not on the shelf. It was a large wall clock above the entry doorway. That clock told me it was 10-55am, so I figured I may as well finish my cup of coffee and move off to the classroom to observe the 11-00am lesson.

I drank my coffee and was just about to push my chair back when the young lady, who had been the first person into the room after me, looked across from where she was sitting at the table on my left and said to me in a very friendly voice, “Don’t sit there all alone, bring your chair over here and sit with us.”

There were quite a few things that I could have said to her but I just thanked her politely and  replied that I had some tasks to attend to.

As just me and my shadow walked out of that staffroom, I imagined a fellow teacher leaning in to ask that young lady, "Who was that tasked man."

To which she may have replied, "I think he was the Lone Stranger."
 

Gamesmanship, Sledging and Nasty Remarks.

It was British academic, author and freelance writer, Stephen Potter, who first introduced the world to sledging, although he gave it the much more refined name of Gamesmanship. Potter, who died in 1969, published his bestselling book, “The Theory and Practice of Gamesmanship” in 1947. Its sub title was “The Art of Winning Games Without Actually Cheating.”

Recently, the young and very angry Australian tennis player, Nick Kyrgios, attempted to gain an advantage over his opponent, Stan Warrwinka, by making a very personal and very inappropriate comment about Warrwinka’s girlfriend, Donna Vekic.

As they changed ends Kyrgios said to Warrwinka, “Kokkinakis banged your girlfriend. Sorry to have to tell you that, mate.” It wasn’t gamesmanship. It wasn’t sledging. It was a totally nasty remark.

Some background.  Stan Warrwinka is the current French and Australian Open Men’s Tennis Champion. Earlier this year he went through a messy divorce and is now reported to be friendly with Vekic, the young Croatian tennis player. 

Last January, Donna Vekic partnered Thanasi Kokkinakis, in the mixed doubles at the Australian Open Tennis Championships. At that time, there was no mention of Kokkinakis and Vekic being involved with each other in anything other than tennis. Kokkinakis is another young Australian tennis player. He is a team mate of Krygios on the Australian Davis Cup team. Kokkinakis is a much happier and more relaxed player than Kyrgios.

Kyrgios’ scurrilous remarks about the pair angered, not only Warrwinka, but almost the entire tennis world. Warrwinka made the point that the remarks were not only nasty, but implicated two innocent people who were not involved in his game with Kyrgios. Kokkinakis also chided Kyrgios, saying his comments were way out of line. Ms Vekic steered clear of it all and just said that she was concentrating on her tennis. Somebody should give young Kyrgios that same advice.

These days challenging comments, such as those made by Kyrgios, are called “sledging” This term was made famous by Australian cricket teams, especially under the captaincies of Ian Chappell and Steve Waugh, two men who promoted any activities, apart from downright cheating, that would help them achieve victory.

In his book, Stephen Potter described an incident that occurred in the late 1920s, that gave him the idea about Gamesmanship. At that time he was lecturing in English Literature at Berbeck College, part of the University of London.  He and a Professor Joad played a tennis match against two young and fit university undergraduates. They were losing. On one occasion Professor Joad returned a forehand shot so forcefully that it sailed high over the baseline and crashed into the bottom of the fence at the back of the courts. As the young university students began walking across the baseline to get into position for the next service, Joad moved towards the net and asked his opponents in a loud voice if they could state clearly if his return was in or out. Well, obviously it was so far out that the young men did not think that they needed to call it “Out.” However, Joad’s request seemed to put into question their sportsmanship. They then became so edgy that their game disintegrated. Joad and Potter won the match and Gamesmanship was born.

I read Stephen Potter’s book in the mid 1950s and can now only recall a few of the ideas he put forward to help someone win the game without actually cheating. He did advise that Tempo in sport was very important. If playing tennis or golf with someone who liked to hurry things along, Gamesmanship required that you slow things down. On the other hand you would speed things up when playing against someone who liked to be slow and steady. This stratagem is now widely used by many professional tennis players, cricketers and footballers.

Potter also suggested that proffering helpful advice could often bring success. Suggesting that the greens are very fast or very slow can often badly affect your golfing opponents putting. He suggested that it may be an idea, in the opening holes, to select a less powerful club, without your partner knowing, of course, so that they will continually out drive you off the tee. This will make your opponent feel good. Then, from the fourth hole onwards, select a more appropriate driver, so that your ball travels roughly as far as your opponent’s ball. This will puzzle them. They will be concerned. They will think something has gone terribly wrong with their swing.  Their subsequent attempts to “correct” their swing in order to achieve more length will cause their game to deteriorate.

Another Potter Gamesmanship ploy, used to upset a golfer who is striking the ball very well, is to casually comment as you walk along the fairway, “You are hitting the ball beautifully, today. Would you say that you get most of your power from you left hand or your right hand?” This makes the opponent think about his golf swing and which hand he is using for best effect. This generally causes his swing to deteriorate.

Of course, gamesmanship was practiced long before Potter published his book. When I was a boy one of my favourite magazines was Sporting Life which carried stories about Australian sports heroes and heroines and also told stirring tales of historic sporting events. One story I remember told of a match between two football teams in Melbourne in the 1930s. Let’s call them Collingwood and Carlton. At the time Collingwood had a champion centre half forward. It was well known that his widowed mother ran a newsagency in a shop across the road from Collingwood’s home ground. Most people also knew that she had an illegal Starting Price bookmaker operating from her shop.

On the day of the match, Carlton placed their tallest player at centre half back, opposed to the much shorter Collingwood centre half forward. Just before the umpire bounced the ball, the very tall Carlton player, standing on tip toe, looked over the wooden fence that ran around the ground. At length he exclaimed, “Oh, that’s terrible. That poor old lady.”

“Why, what’s happening?” asked the shorter Collingwood player, who of course could not see over the fence.

“Two police cars have pulled up in front of a newsagency across the road.The coppers are just putting an old lady into the paddy wagon,” was the matter of fact reply.

The Collingwood champion blanched. His knees turned wobbly. His mother had just been arrested and was going to gaol. Naturally, he completely lost his focus on football and played the worst game of his career. Carlton, the underdogs, ran out easy winners.

There were no police cars. Nobody went to the lock up. The Collingwood player’s mother spent the afternoon as usual, selling newspapers and magazines and taking SP bets on the side. It was classic gamesmanship, though Stephen Potter would not have approved of lies being told in order to gain an advantage.

Potter was a stickler for sportsmanship and truthfulness. One of his gamesmanship ploys involved being too sporting. He would spend very little time looking for his own lost golf ball but insist on lengthy searches trying to find the ball of other players. This would cause them embarrassment and a loss of focus which adversely affected their game.

Of course, the nasty comments made by the sour and surly Nick Kyrgios about his opponent's girlfriend, were, until recently, fairly commonplace in Australian Rules Football. The AFL Players Association has frowned on this practice  following an incident a few years ago where a West Coast Eagles player, Adam Sellwood, made a lewd comment about the portrait of a girl tattooed on the shoulder of Fremantle Docker, Des Headland. Headland, understandably, took offence because the tattoo was of his ten year old daughter. Prior to that time, it was quite common for one player to try and upset an opponent by saying, “Your wife/girlfriend/mother/sister was great in bed last night”.

However, on more than one occasion this ploy backfired. such was the case when a player said to his opponent, “I slept with your sister last night”. 

His opponent gave him a filthy look and said, “You lowdown, dirty dog! My sister was killed in a car crash three weeks ago.” This stunned the player who had hurled the nasty epithet. He immediately put out his hand to apologise and offer his condolences. The offended player would have none of it and made further comments about the unkind nature of his opponent’s total lack of compassion. Visibly shaken by his gaff, the offending player was so shamefaced and embarrassed that he completely lost his concentration and performed poorly throughout the game.

The other player did have a sister, but she had not been killed in an accident three weeks earlier. She was a happily married mother with three children and lived with her husband in far north Queensland. Obviously, some people are better at Gamesmanship than others.

Although Gamesmanship is generally practised only by those actually involved in a game, I contend that barracking at a football match is also part of the game. Therefore, I humbly submit that I have probably uttered the greatest riposte in the history of Spectator Gamesmanship. Indeed, it is only my modest disposition that prevents me from submitting it to the Guinness Book of Records. The occasion was at a match between the powerful East Perth and Claremont teams in a Western Australian League Football match at Perth Oval when I was about nineteen.

Over the years, I have enthusiastically cheered for East Perth, the Mighty Royals, as they enjoyed good times and endured hard times. Going to the football was almost a ritual. Apart from the excitement of the game, there was the thrill of joining in verbal combat with supporters from opposing sides. I always felt I was doing my bit to help the players on the field by getting the better of rival supporters off the field.

On this occasion, I was standing in the crowd and close to an attractive lady and her equally attractive daughter. They may actually have been sisters. In an effort to impress, I began making what I fondly imagined were very witty comments about the opposing players, the umpire and various incidents on the field. I was pleased to notice that the two women seemed impressed with my rapier like wit and smiled quite often at my remarks.

Half way through the first quarter a Claremont supporter positioned himself near me and began to loudly raise doubts about the ability and courage of the East Perth players. I recognized that I was being challenged. Soon, the Claremont man and I were engaged in a verbal joust. I am quite a student of barracking behaviour and I quickly recognized that this gentleman was a “responder.”  Responders are barrackers who usually wait for a comment to be made and then take the opportunity to make the same comment, but this time, ironically, and in support of their own side.

When I thought an East Perth player should have been paid a mark I would yell out,” Come on, umpire, he only has to hold it. He doesn’t have to hatch it!”

A few minutes later, a Claremont player would hold on to the ball and be paid a mark, at which time Mr. Responder would say, “Now, that WAS a mark”.

I would see a Claremont player get away with what looked like a throw and call out, “Fair go, Ump, it’s not basketball.”

Later, when an East Perth player was penalised for throwing, Mr. Responder would gleefully retort in my direction, ”Now, that WAS throwing the ball!”

Just before half time I was incensed to see Phil Tierney, the champion East Perth forward, grabbed without the ball, by the big Claremont ruckman, Allan Mycock. No free kick was given.

“What about holding on to Tierney?” I shouted at the umpire.

About thirty seconds later the situation was reversed and Mr. Responder jumped in with, “What about holding on to Mycock?” 

The two ladies burst out laughing. Mr. Responder gasped in embarrassment at the dreadful realisation of what he had just shouted out. His face turned purple with embarrassment. I slowly took a deep drag on my cigarette, casually removed it from my lips, turned to Mr. Responder and nonchalantly enquired, “Well, if you insist. Do you mind if I finish my cigarette first?”

The two attractive ladies shrieked with laughter, while I smiled the smug smile of the victor. Mr. Responder did not return after half time and every time I caught the eyes of the two ladies they would burst out laughing all over again.

East Perth won that game. I walked back home wearing a winner’s grin, for I knew that I had played a major role in the Royal’s great victory that day.

Ah, yes, true Gamesmanship. The art of verbally destroying your opponent without actually cheating. It is not nasty and it can be an awful lot of fun.