Sometimers Disease.

Dementia is a terrible affliction and Alzhiemers is its scourge. Everyone has great sympathy for those who suffer from it and tremendous admiration for family members who must deal with its effects. However, doctors tell us it is quite normal for all of us to suffer from memory loss from time to time.

Older people often refer to their own natural memory lapses as “Old Timers Disease”. I am well and truly past my retirement age but I prefer to classify my memory lapses as “Sometimers Disease”. The reason being that sometimes I forget and, after a while, sometimes, I remember.

A recent conversation with my beautiful wife, Lesley, was a classic example of “Somtimers”. We were having dinner when Lesley, suddenly remarked, “I have just remembered who the French mother was in last night’s episode of Mad Men. I’ve been thinking about it all day. It was Julia Ormond.”  I don’t watch Mad Men.

“Julia Ormond!” I exclaimed. “She was beautiful. She was in Legends of the Fall with Brad Pitt and, and, oh, you know, that Welsh actor who played the father. You know him. He was in Silence of the Lambs. Oh, what was his name?”

“Oh, yes, I know him. His name is… It’s, ah, it’s ah …”

I continued. “Julia Ormond also played Queen Guinevere in First Knight, with Richard Gere as Sir Lancelot. King Arthur was, oh, I know his name but I just can't think of it. He was Scottish."

“Anthony Hopkins,” said Lesley quite triumphantly.

“No, King Arthur was not Anthony Hopkins,” I replied. “He's Welsh. This actor is Scottish. He was in the first James Bond film. Oh, you know who I mean.”

“Anthony Hopkins was the father in Legends of the Fall,” said Lesley, rather curtly.

“Oh, yes. So he was.” I replied apologetically. “But who played King Arthur in First Knight?”

“I know who you mean,” said Lesley. “I just can't think of his name.”

In our mutual blissful ignorance Lesley harkened back to Mad Men. “Another face I remember in that episode was Mimi Rogers. You remember her, don’t you? She was married to, oh, you know, what was his name? He was married to Nicole Kidman.”

“”Not Keith Urban?” I suggested helpfully.

“No, no. Before him. Oh, you know who I mean. He was featured in those TV adverts for roast lamb dinners and he starred in Risky Business.”

“It was Sean Connery” I said dramatically.

“No, it wasn't. Definitely not,” said Lesley, derisively.

“No, no. I just remembered. It was Sean Connery who was the actor who played King Arthur in First Knight with Julia Ormond and Richard Gere.

“Oh yes, of course. Sean Connery. How could we forget him?”

We continued to talk about Sean Connery’s many fine films when Lesley blurted out, “Tom Cruise”. 

Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise? Ah, yes, Lesley quickly explained that it was Tom Cruise who had been married to Mimi Rogers.

We often have forgetful conversations like that. Sometimes we forget and, sometime afterwards, we remember. I hope we never become as bad as a friend of mine at whose home we had dinner recently. After we had I enjoyed a pleasant meal, Lesley and our hostess took some of the dinner plates into the kitchen prior to serving up the dessert.

In their absence I began telling my friend about our recent very forgetful conversation about various film stars.

“Oh yes,” said my friend. "We both used to have the same problem. Always forgetting names. However, the wife and I went to a doctor. He gave us several techniques to help us jog the memory. He was very good. Fixed us up, that's for sure.”

“Really. Well he seems like just the fellow we should visit. What’s his name?”

My friend stared at me for a few seconds, but did not say anything. He was thinking very hard. His brain was turning over furiously but he wasn't getting any traction.

At length he said to me, “It is the name of a flower.”

“A petunia,” I suggested.

“No. No. It has a very pleasant perfume.”

“Could it be a gardenia?”

“No, no, not a gardenia. It has sharp thorns.”

“Oh, you must mean a rose.”

“Ah, yes. That’s it. Rose.” With that he leaned back in his chair and called out to the kitchen, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of that memory doctor we saw last month?”

This edited story was published in the LIFE section of The Australian newspaper on May 15, 2015.