The day I sang at the Burswood Resort.

The day I sang at the Burswood Resort.

The Burswood Resort Hotel and Crown Casino is a world class recreation and entertainment centre in Perth. In August 2000, I appeared on the stage of the Burswood Resort’s large theatre. In fact, I appeared  on that stage and also in the very spacious Ballroom One for three days. It was in that very large ballroom that I sang to about 400 hundred people.

How did it happen? Well, it’s a short story. However, you know me. Why tell a short story when you can make it much, much  longer. I developed this “short story into long story” habit when I was writing articles for newspapers. They paid by the word, so I would turn a 700 word story into a 1200 word story and wait for the cheque to arrive. Unfortunately, the Features Editor would turn my 1200 word story into a 600 word story with a cheque to match, But, Of course, that’s another story.

 In April 2000, I was Principal at Doubleview Primary School. I was also a member of the Western Australian Primary Principals’ Association. I had been a member of WAPPA since 1982. I also used to write articles for WAPPA’s quarterly magazine, which was rather blandly titled WORDS. Some of my stories were of an educational nature but others were fanciful and whimsical observations of life. At least I thought so!

I was also the Chairman of the Swanbourne Chapter of the Primary Principals’ Association. I was proud of this because, without boasting too much, I had been responsible for establishing the first metropolitan chapter of WAPPA. It was actually the Scarborough Chapter when it was first formed but one day the District Director phoned and said Doubleview School was now in the Swanbourne District. It was quite a moving experience, even though I stayed sitting in my chair in Doubleview on the end of a phone call.

Co-incidentally, the very first chapter of WAPPA was established in Albany a few years earlier by a principal named Noel Strickland, who had been young student at Tranby Primary School when I was teaching there in the late 1960s.  I am not absolutely certain, but there are now about 30 WAPPA Chapters in metropolitan and rural areas. So, it is true! From little things, big things grow.

Moving on. In April 2000, I received a phone call from a fellow primary principal, Alan Beard. Alan told me he was on the WAPPA Conference Committee and said the committee wanted to know if I would be available to be the  MC at WAPPA’s annual conference at the Burswood Resort Hotel in August.

Wow! The WAPPA Conference was huge! I had written several stories for WAPPA . I had even been the featured speaker at two WAPPA Welcoming Dinners, which in those days were held at the South of Perth Yacht Club at the beginning of each year to welcome Principals new to the metropolitan area to WAPPA. But MC at a three-day WAPPA Conference? That was a giant leap for me. I asked if I could speak with  the committee and talk about it. Alan said that was a good idea and I attended the committee’s May meeting.

Despite my misgivings, the organising committee felt I was the person for the job. I must point out that since its inception in the early 1970s, the MC duties the Annual WAPPA Conference had usually been performed by the president of the association. Early conferences were held in places like the Belmont Racecourse function room, Mt Lawley Teachers College Hall and a large function hall at the University of WA. However, as WAPPA’s membership grew it became financially viable in the early 1990s to hold conferences in the Sheraton Hotel. Conferences became bigger and bigger. In order to free up the WAPPA president for the many of duties and tasks that came his way during conference, it was decided that each year the committee would appoint a primary principal to do the job. It seems that in 2000 it was my turn. When I asked what my job was, I was told that I would introduce each key speaker and at the conclusion of their presentation I would thank them very much and make some brief references to their witty, wise, informative, educational, instructive or illuminating contribution. No mention of how to respond to a deadly dull and boring presentation.                                                                                    The theme of the 2000 Conference was “Worth Fighting For”. Everyone at that conference agreed that primary education was worth fighting for. I accepted the position of Conference MC based on the committee’s confidence that I could do the job

Which how I came to be on the stage of the Burswood Hotel Resort one day in August introducing The Honourable Colin Barnett, the Minister for Education and later Premier of Westen Australia. One thing I quickly learned at this conference was that I had to stay alert and mindful of what each speaker was saying because, when it ended, I had to give a concise, erudite and, if possible, witty response. Being alert and mindful a conference was not my usual Modus Operandi.

Responding to Minister Barnett was easy because he was so well informed about his education portfolio and a very experienced speaker with an interesting delivery. The following speaker, however, was a different kettle of fish. This speaker, whom I shall call Mr Smith because that is definitely not his name, was the owner of a large manufacturing business and one of the sponsors of the conference. Obviously, when he asked if he could make a presentation the committee readily agreed. Why risk a sponsor’s substantial financial contribution.

From the outset, Mr Smith announced that he was not a public speaker but he had a great interest in education. He also said that he knew some  people would not understand his message and he would not be offended if they left the theatre during his talk. I should have left straight away.  

I did not really follow all of Mr Smith’s arguments but the gist of it seemed to be that being a school principal was a very important and exceedingly  arduous task. No doubt the theatre full of principals agreed with him. However, after that he launched into a lengthy narrative about his own life and the difficulties he encountered along the way and every day. Some people were leaving the theatre. As Mr Smith started talking about all of the problems other people have in a whole variety of jobs, more and more people started leaving.

Eventually, Mr Smith concluded his talk and it was my task to succinctly summarise what he had said. I did not really have any idea what he had said. I thanked Mr Smith for his contribution and told the remaining principals that Mr Smith’s presentation reminded me of a game of golf I had played a few years ago. With two friends, I was about to hit off on the first tee when a gentleman approached. He asked if we could make it a foursome rather than he playing by himself after we had teed off. We reluctantly agreed and then hit our balls down the fairway. The gentleman stepped up, addressed the ball and took an almighty swing. He missed the ball but the wind from  his swing  dislodged it and it dribbled bout 20 centimetres from of the tee. Unabashed, he picked the ball up, placed it on the tee and had another go. He topped the ball. It bounced and rolled about thirty metres before stopping just a few metres in front of the  Ladies’ Tee. The four of us set off and then waited while the stranger took out a fairway wood and addressed the ball. This time he made good contact. The ball went straight down the fairway for fifty metres and then sliced sharply to the right and disappeared into the well wooded rough. As we set off to try and find his missing ball the stranger slammed his fairway wood back into his golf bag and said, “Gee, this is one of the toughest golf courses I’ve ever played on.” A few people laughed, The others were either not golfers or were fast asleep.

I am very happy to say that the rest  of the conference, in my opinion at least, went quite well. However, by Day Three, having to concentrate on each keynote speaker’s every word  had made me quite weary. At lunch on that final day, I gave some thought as to  how I would conclude my conference career. I had a joke I thought I could use but it was, shall we say, a trifle delicate in mixed company, as it mentioned the word Penis.

However, during that final afternoon session one of the speakers dropped the word penis into his presentation. OK. I thought, if the distinguished professor can say it, so can I. And an about ninety minutes later I did!

So, after about 1500 words, we finally approach my fifteen minutes of fame  at Burswood Crown Casino Resort. “Ladies and gentlemen,” I proclaimed, “we are coming to end of a wonderful conference that showed us that Primary Education really is worth fighting for! However, before I hand over to the President of WAPPA for his closing remarks, I would like to share just a few thoughts of my own. I was not going to make these remarks because they use the word penis. However, as one of our wonderful keynote speakers has used this word today, I feel free to carry on.

“I want to tell you about a man who was sitting eating his breakfast. He worked in the local pickle factory. His wife was busy at the sink when he said, “You know, sometimes at work I get as great urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer.”

“ ‘You what?’ exclaimed his wife. “ ‘You’re sick. You should see a therapist.’”

“ ‘Oh, no need for that, ’” he replied. “’ I have very strong self-control. It will never happen.’”

“A week later, his wife returned home from the shopping at about 11-30 am and, to her great surprise, she  found her husband slumped in a lounge room chair. He looked stunned and shell shocked.”

“What’s wrong? Why are you home so early? Are you ill?’” asked his concerned wife.

“ ‘I don’t know how it happened. I couldn’t help myself.’” He replied. “ ‘I put my penis in the pickle slicer.’”

“ ‘You what?’” cried his wife. “Well, what happened then?’”

  “’They gave me the sack.’”                         

“ ‘Gave you the sack. But…but…she stammered as she  pointed to her lower abdomen, “‘But…but, what about the business with the pickler slicer?’”

“’ Oh, they gave her the sack, too.’”

This joke was well received. I told the audience that  my  story showed that whether we are at a conference, talking with colleagues or our staff or the parents at school, or even our spouses, we must try very hard to make sure that when someone is telling  us something we should make sure what we think they are telling  to us is  actually the same thing as what they think they are telling us.

I then informed the conference that I was going to sing my closing remarks. Before there was any clamour for me to rethink, I hastened to add that I had once sung in the Paris Opera House, “Yes,” I said reassuringly. “ Two years ago, my wife and I took the opportunity, one afternoon, to wander through the Paris Opera House. There was no performance and when we were on the balcony of the Dress Circle, I noticed that there were no other people in the place. I leaned forward over the balcony railing and sang, “Do Mi So Doh.” The Tonic Solfa!                            The only clapping was my wife clapping her arms around me and dragging me away from the balcony rail.

My conference audience, suitably impressed, or perhaps stunned, remained silent.                                “My song to close this conference came to me in a flash of inspiration during lunch today. At least the words did. The music is by the American composer Stephen Foster, called “Beautiful Dreamer” which if you will pardon me for saying so, often reminds me of Slim Dusty’s Pub With Know Beer. After taking a very deep breath I launched into:-

“Wonderful conference, we have enjoyed, by various speakers we’ve been uplifted and buoyed.                 But now it's time, as our conference ends, for us to say sadly, ‘Farewell’ to old friends.'                             Wonderful conference, Oh thank you, WAP-PA. We’re going back to places, near and far.                          At least when we get there, we’ll know what’s worth fighting for.                                                                Wonderful conference, we thank you once more.                                                                                          Wonderful conference, Oh thank you, WAP-PA.”

I stepped down from the stage to spontaneous applause. To this day there are some who argue that  fifty per cent of those present were not applauding my singing but the fact that I had stopped.

The Aftermath. I can say that I was the very last primary principal ever to be asked to be the  MC an Annual WAPPA Conference. In 2001, the conference committee, in its wisdom, paid for a professional presenter to be the MC. His name was Glen Capelli. He was excellent. Not only that, he was an ex-pupil of Doubleview Primary School and spoke with great affection of his school days at that school. As do I. 

This is the second Blog story I have written about the WAPPA Conference. My earlier story was titled  Red Wine is a Health Hazard. By clicking on the link you may find out why I found it much more fun being a conference delegate rather a conference MC. Although I am rather  proud of the fact that I was the last Primary Principal to perform that role. After me, they broke the mould.

Leadership is not the use of bullying force!

The Secretary General of NATO, Mark Rutte, expressed his admiration for Donald Trump’s leadership after  Trump's  sneak bombing raid on Iran.. No doubt Mr Rutte also admires Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin and  Admiral Yamamoto, all of whom were well practised in art of the sneak attacks. 

Rutte gushed that Trump's strong action was "Truly extraordinary" and added that it "makes us all safer". He then qualified himself for the Brown Nosed, Obsequious Sychophant Gold Medal for 2025 with his pitiful, "Daddy uses strong language" when referring to Trump's F Bomb outburst at a press conference. He had earlier referred to Trump as Daddy saying that like a good Daddy, Trump had watched two little  boys fighting, had let them fight for a while and then stepped in to stop the fight. 

This cringe worthy comment from the Secretary general of NATO is appalling. Does Mr Ruppe not understand that his "two boys fighting" analogy actually caused the deaths of many thousands of men, women and totally innocent children.

NATO's Secretary General was probably very well briefed that the only way the speak to Trump is by being effusively sychophantic. He did so to perfection...or was that to the point of nausea?

Rutte's gushing flattery of Trump was certainly taken up worldwide bthe Murdoch's rancid media and  other right wing newspaper. The editor of the conservative West Australian newspaper, Christophe Dore,  even suggested that Australia's Prime Minister , Anthony Albanese, should adopt similar obsequious language to  obtain a visit with President Trump. Most Australians are appalled at Trump's off hand and disrespectful behaviour towards Australia. We  al lwant Mr Albanerse to steer well clear of Trump for as long as possible.

To cite Trump's sneak attack on Iran as a highpoint in political leadership is absurd. Leadership is not only the ability to use massive force. Leadership requires wisdom and a great deal of courage.

In October, 1962, President Kennedy was confronted by his National Security Advisor, McGeorge Bundy, and the Chief of Staff of the U.S. Air Force, Curtis Le May. They showed Kennedy pictures of missile silos being  erected in Cuba by Russian Premier, Nikita Khruschev.

LeMay, a well-known hardliner, enthusiastically urged the president to act swiftly, saying that that he could have US fighter aircraft over Cuba in fifteen minutes and completely obliterating the missile sites.

President Kennedy, who had fought with distinction in World War 2,  replied, “Are there any other options?” Le May was astounded and angry that Kennedy did not order an immediate bombing attack.

History tells us that there were other options. Thanks to the leadership of a courageous and wise US President, a major world nuclear conflict, which could have been the end of civilisation as we know it, was avoided. Not a bomb was dropped, not a life was lost. That is leadership!